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Midlife Adventure Advice from a Kid

July 21st, 2010

Kids to seem to have the inside track on great life advice and they often don’t even know it!

The other day, my dear friend and I were commiserating about our midlife looks. Specifically our hair. Having to color it constantly and keep it looking young like our skin and body. She launched into a great story about her 11 year old niece who was visiting from Australia. “I was inspecting my gray hairs in the mirror (on my head!) when my niece comes in the room and says,’what are you doing, Auntie?’ I told her I was looking at all my gray hair popping up. She throws her hands up and asks, ‘Is that what you want to do with the rest of your life?’ I was instantly over it.”

Adventure Tip: Stop focusing on every gray hair and start noticing your great life! And listen to a kid once in a while.

-Tracy Pattin

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Another Unexpected Adventure.

July 20th, 2010

As I continue to say, “Adventures come in all shapes and sizes.”  I was on Facebook the other day when I saw an opportunity to review an indie film and write a blog piece about it. I jumped at the chance and before I knew it, my screener (DVD of the film) was in my mailbox. My (unexpected) adventure was about to begin.

As I sat down to watch Night Before the Wedding written and produced by David Branin, I had certain preconceived notions.  After all, it’s a movie about a bachelor party, the night before the wedding. (and I did wonder, isn’t this night supposed to be the night of the rehearsal dinner?)

As the story unfolds, there are the usual bachelor party antics; drinking, the constant use of the f-word, beer pong, sex talk, men competing with each other, even tying up an unexpected guest. Being a woman, I wasn’t sure if I could connect. At one point I almost stopped watching thinking this story wasn’t going anywhere. But there was something about these characters that kept me wanting to know more, wondering what was really going on beneath the surface. I could see it in their eyes. There was this vulnerability in each man, beneath all the drinking, swearing and razzing. I could sense there was so much more going on here. I was hooked.

Bronco, (Gregor Collins) the host of the party, was the cheerleader of the bunch, keeping his guests happy and talking up what was going to happen at 9pm. You guessed it. Strippers. Well, more than strippers. Porn stars. The guys now were jumping out of their seats, thrilled at the thought of being in their very own, real life porn movie (except for the married guy).

Then the groom walks in. Will (John Keating) is a suit and tie guy. Sweet. Straight laced, fun loving. He clearly wasn’t up for partying, not wanting to be hung over on his wedding day. He wanted go home and play pinochle with his parents. But, Bronco talked him into staying. When the best man Bobby (Johnny Giordano) arrives, already a little drunk, Will warns him to “slow down.”  Will was determined to have the perfect wedding. It was apparent, he was not your stereo-typical groom. He couldn’t wait to marry the woman of his dreams. For him, it was more about building a life, than taking away his freedom. It was clear he wasn’t going to stay at the bachelor party much longer…

Initially I thought, this is why I chose to be single. So many men are just shallow and immature about relationships. But these men were starting to prove me wrong. My unexpected adventure was becoming clear. I had to stay open, willing to keep watching and connecting.

As 9:00 pm approaches, the bachelor party antics turn serious when the police arrive. They leave and the Porn stars show up. As they start doing their lap dances, Will wants no part of it. But then, the temptation and peer pressure starts to wear him down. (By the way, we never see much more than lap dancing)

This night before the wedding goes from the quintessential bachelor party to a group of men looking deeper into themselves and their relationships with each other.  Each man is struggling with his own issues; One still a virgin, another one grappling with addiction, one in desperate financial trouble, then one man faces his unbearable guilt, and another faces incredible remorse.

In the end, Will goes through a huge unexpected transformation of his own on this night, leaving us wondering what his wedding day will be like.

Just like Will’s inner adventure of transformation, I was surprised by my own, beginning with certain expectations, and in the end being profoundly moved by the characters (and talented cast) in this intriguing indie film.

Adventure Tip: Even if you have preconceived notions about your adventure, stay with it for awhile. It might surprise you, even transform you in a way you never expected.

-Tracy Pattin

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Almost Misadventures. Life=Risk

July 17th, 2010

Just think if these people gave up and never Adventurized their lives? Not only would Lucille Ball, Michael Jordan, The Beatles, Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Thomas Edison, and the others) have missed out, we all would have…in BIG WAYS!

Adventure Tip: Next time you’re tempted to NOT step out and take that adventure, watch this video again and again and again…

-Tracy Pattin

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Out of Your Comfort Zone Into Your Adventure Zone

July 16th, 2010

“It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves – in finding themselves.” Andre´Gide

As we step out of our comfort zone and into our adventure zone doors open to wonderful new experiences in our midlife lives. We meet new people, do things we may have never done before and most importantly, we get to know other parts of ourselves.

Adventurizing makes us stretch and grow. When we’re out of our comfort zone we test ourselves in uncharted territories. The result? We’re stronger, more confident and often willing to keep stepping out of that comfort zone.

Our comfort zone begins switch places with our adventure zone. Living in our comfort zone becomes less appealing as we gravitate to new adventures.

Adventure Tip: Step out of your comfort zone and into your adventure zone. The more you live in your adventure zone, the richer your midlife life will be and the less you’ll want to live in your comfort zone.

-Tracy Pattin

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Midlife Auntie Adventures

July 15th, 2010

When you’re over 40 and beyond, with no kids, being an auntie can be a great midlife adventure! Meet my niece, Alexa, and hear her thoughts on being a niece and how she contributes to her community. With teens often getting a bad reputation, it’s great to see a responsible, compassionate young woman!

Adventure Tip: Seize the chance to be an auntie or uncle! You can make a huge contribution to your niece or nephew’s life! And THEY may teach YOU something. (If you’re not an auntie or uncle, borrow a friend’s kid and become one!)

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Unexpected Memorial Service Adventure

July 14th, 2010

It’s proving to be true. The more you step out and Adventurize Your Midlife, the more the adventures step up to greet you.

A friend invited me to attend a memorial service last weekend because he didn’t want to go alone. I didn’t know the person who had passed away, but I was up for the experience.

We arrived early at the beautiful beachfront center in Santa Monica. There were lots of people mingling. It was different than your normal Saturday evening gathering. But everyone was upbeat, smiling almost as if they didn’t really know how else to be. The French woman next to me was a student of hers. Of course she asks, “So how do you know Kathryn?”

It felt a little strange to say “I don’t know the woman.” So I pointed to my friend and let him take the floor explaining he was a student of hers too. Her death was sudden and unexpected so there was this giant elephant in the room that no one wanted to notice.

As I looked over I saw two young children, the older one, head down in tears. I wondered if she was her daughter. But it was clear the woman comforting her was her mom. I was relieved (the girl was her grand niece).

This unexpected adventure was quickly weaving itself into a blanket of adventures as I just took it all in.  It was as if I wandered into a slice of life that I wasn’t a part of.  In spite of not being a friend or family member,  somehow I felt connected to everyone in the room.

The service started with Kathryn’s best friend, Carol. She took us through her life with Kathryn over 30 years of friendship. I began to know this woman. Who she was behind the slide show of pictures. Carol summed everything up by sharing the powerful lessons she learned from her friend. She talked about Kathryn’s favorite metaphor for leading a more spiritual life- gardening. She talked about Kathryn often saying we must tend to our garden every day, pulling out those weeds. She said the weeds will always come back- equating those with our dark moments, our struggles. We just have to keep gardening.

Carol finished by saying we must replace fear with love.

Then, Kathryn’s friends and family spoke. Her grand niece shared a touching poem about her aunt. I kept thinking about my nieces and nephews realizing the impact we Aunts and Uncles have on kids.

At the end of the service, Kathryn’s life partner spoke so eloquently about her life with Kathryn. I was astounded by her courage and inspired by the love pouring out of this grieving woman.

I left this adventure, so grateful to have been a part of something so special and walked away unexpectedly filled up with… life.

Adventure Tip: Never stop adventurizing. Never stop gardening…and weeding.

-Tracy Pattin

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Kim Cattrall at 53. Loves Life. Loves “Being in her Skin.”

July 9th, 2010

It’s a celebration of hot women over 40 and beyond. Kim Cattrall is one of the poster Sizzle Chicks for midlife women. On The View recently, she commented on her age and this time of life (in Sex and the City 2 she’s going through menopause). Kim says she loves her life and feels great being in her skin.

Isn’t feeling great in your skin the foundation for Adventurizing Your Midlife? Of course if you’re a movie star, you get extra perks and tools (makeup artists, spiritual coaches and fabulous shoes) to get that great in-your-skin feeling. But YOU can achieve that too.

But here’s the twist. Adventurizing helps you to feel great in your skin! Getting out there, energizes you and builds confidence and gives you a greater sense of authenticity as you discover new parts to yourself.  All this equals a more sizzling you.

Adventure Tip: Use the desire to feel great in your skin as motivation to Adventurize! Know that stepping out on an adventure will add to you feeling excited about this time of life

-Tracy Pattin

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Unexpected Midlife Adventures Can Be The Best..Part 2

July 7th, 2010

Click here for Unexpected Adventures Part 1

Once you start Adventurizing your life, unexpected adventures start emerging from everywhere. As I continue shooting my Adventurize Your Midlife web TV series, I’m in an adventure within an adventure as I find other adventurizers who have their own stories to tell.  Some of the stories are part of the plan and others just happen along the adventurous way.

When we got to San Francisco, we drove to my old place to shoot the story of me leaving this city so many years ago. San Francisco. One of the most beautiful cities on the planet for a place so many hate. As we drove up Greenwich Street just below Coit Tower on Telegraph Hill, there it was my San Francisco flat. The place that kept me stuck for so long. The one big adventure I hadn’t taken was moving to a new city. I’d trekked across the globe but never trekked to a new life in a new city.

Suddenly I was overcome with emotion as I looked up at my quaint flat on my quaint and beautiful street.  I wasn’t sad because I missed my San Francisco life I was freaked out at the thought, “What if I never left? What if I was still living in that place?”  I was so grateful to have yanked myself from it. Suddenly I realized, everything looked the same. But I was different. This unexpected inner adventure made me feel alive and satiated. It’s the reason I adventurize in the first place.

The only regret? I wished I’d left sooner. Don’t get me wrong. San Francisco is still a beautiful city. Majestic hills, blue skies, panoramic views. But I love the fact that I left this gorgeous place for LA. I love my life in LA. In spite of the traffic. In spite of the smog. In spite of the constant crowds.

As the weekend unfolded, we ended up shooting a story we didn’t expect to get. And my friend didn’t expect to tell it. As he sat there across the table over dinner, he marveled at the fact that this was an unexpected life changing experience.

That’s the delicious thing about adventures. They can surprise us and thrill us making us discover new parts of ourselves.

It was a magnificent weekend. Mostly unplanned.  I almost didn’t go, wanting to put this off for awhile. And just like leaving my San Francisco life so many years ago, I’m really glad I took the adventure chance.

-Tracy Pattin

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Unexpected Midlife Adventures Can Be The Best

July 3rd, 2010

As I’ve always written, Adventures come in all shapes and sizes, from venturing out for a new topping (Wasabe Mayo) from Trader Joe’s to jumping on a plane to New York to interview your friend for your new web TV series.

As we approach or are deeply entrenched in midlife, we need to make that extra effort to adventurize our lives. We have to develop our adventure muscle so we don’t atrophy our lives into one big cocoon of routine and boredom.

Adventures don’t have to be treks across the Sahara (although those are great too). They can be doing something, anything you haven’t (but always wanted to) tried before.

The best thing about adventures? They lead to more adventures. Like a pebble in a pond,  every time you take an adventure, there’s a wake in it’s path of adventure momentum.

The even better thing about adventures? They lead to unexpected adventures. And they can be the most delicious of all. Maybe it’s the unexpected part.

Last weekend, I headed up to San Francisco  to shoot more stories for web series, Adventurize Your Midlife (with my co producers, Donald Lopez and Rene Veilleux of Verite Films.net). We planned this adventure 3 days ahead of time.

Find out what unexpected adventures happen in Part 2. (click here)

-Tracy Pattin

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“Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?”Midlife Kid Adventures

June 22nd, 2010

The kid theme continues. I learned a lot from my 14 year old nephew’s graduation, 2 weeks ago. So much so, I had to write about it (click here to read: 8th Grade Graduation Adventure) That’s the thing about adventures,  sometimes you just never know when they come knocking on your door. And now for another kid adventure.

Midlife Kid Adventure #2 was a whopper!

My 12 1/2 year old niece from Northern California came to visit “Auntie” for a week. This inspired me to once again get ” Midlife Kid Adventurized”….

Adventure Tip: Kids are great adventurizers, always up for something new. If you don’t have any, borrow one from a friend or find a willing niece or nephew. (You’ll get lots of Auntie or Uncle points!).

My niece and I went to a taping at Sony Pictures Studios of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” A TV show where contestants answer grade school questions for money and with the help of smarty pants 5th graders.

As we stood in single file waiting to go into the studio, surrounded by the gigantic Sony sound stages, my niece was in awe. This kind of thing doesn’t happen in little Northern California towns. I was on a vicarious kid adventure, thrilled to see her world expand a  little.

They were taping three shows, so after the second one, our hands were raw from the incessant clapping (I can practically feel the tingling still!). I don’t know how the audience “warm-up guy” does it…We were exhausted and ready to go home, we’d had our fill. And then…everything changed.

By the way, the questions are fairly difficult. Questions like, “Who was the engineer in 1926 who successfully tested the first rocket using liquid fuel?” (Robert Goddard). So we were learning while we were adventurizing.

The previous contestants were somewhat milk toast..well behaved. And left with just the consolation prize – a $2500 gift card. (not too shabby!).

The third and last contestant, a vivacious African American woman dressed in a fuschia silk dress and matching pumps, named Kim (not her real name..you’ll just have to watch the show!) sauntered out on to the stage like she owned it.

Suddenly the audience and the host (the very funny, Jeff Foxworthy) woke up.

Kim was ready for an adventure. A big adventure.

She answered the first questions fairly easily. Each time she committed to an answer, she had to “lock it in” by pressing a large button on her podium. But Kim didn’t just press that button. She held her hand over it, hovering for a few seconds, praying that this was the right answer. We could feel her passion, her energy, her adventurous spirit every step of the way.

Then the tough question came about how many planets were “Gas Planets”..She had no idea. So she guessed “4″. But then decided to defer to one of the 5th graders. After what seemed like 10 minutes, she “locked in” her answer, pressing that big button to her left, going with the 5th grader’s answer instead. Turns out, he was wrong. Her guess had been right but she didn’t trust her gut. So, she lost the money on that question.

Adventure Tip (and “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” advice from Jeff Foxworthy) : ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT

The stakes were getting higher and Kim was getting more dramatic by the minute, at times falling to her knees as she begged and pleaded to get the right answer. She was taking us along on her adventure…her emotional roller coaster…

Now it was down to the wire. She had to choose between $16,000 worth of winnings or go for the big prize, $160,000. The audience was divided. Some yelled “take the money and run!!” others said (like my niece and I) yelled, “Go for it..Take a chance!” This went on for several minutes.

Then Kim summed it all up with one simple, committed, passionate, thought…”I didn’t come here to settle. I came here to win big and that’s what I’m going to do.”

Wow. Suddenly my gut told me she was going to do just that.

Kim picked a math question. (scary!). I can’t even remember the question. It was about the cubic centimeters of 96….something or other. Kim was allowed to figure out the answer invisibly on her “blackboard” podium using only her finger (no pen and paper allowed). She talked us through this very long, complicated, mathematical process. It was riveting.

Then came that “locking it in” moment. She hovered. She danced. She threw her arms up in the air. She flailed. She dropped to the floor. She paced. Then, Foxworthy toyed with her, causing her to question every part of her answer. She laughed. She screamed. She pleaded to the gods above.

And then…the defining moment. She was so confident. So clear. So adventurous.

She raised her right hand above her head, and came down on that button with complete fervor.

Foxworthy once again toyed with her, pacing across the stage with a swagger in those well worn cowboy boots. He turned and told her he had another number in his head besides her answer of “64″…

It was, $160,000.

She won.

It was sizzling, thrilling, completely energizing. This is what life is all about. Not winning the money,  but wanting someone else to win at something. Being truly happy for someone you didn’t even know. Just because.

We all screamed. Yelling “we love you Kim!!!”

Adventure Tip: Adventurizing is about other adventurizers. THEIR stories can inspire us and lift us to a bigger, better adventure than we could have imagined.

Midlife Kid Adventure Tip: Take a kid along for an extra special adventure. You may learn about vicariously midlife adventurizing along the way.

-Tracy Pattin


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